lizzypaul

A friend of a friend of my mother's, another pastor within our denomination (Nazarene), is in the middle of a church investigation/trial, with the possibility that he might loose his credentials as a minister. What horrible crime could he have committed to warrant this, you ask?

Well, it seems a family in his congregation was being ripped apart. Two pillars of the church have a transgendered daughter. The parents had basically disowned their daughter, and the mother came to her pastor asking for help on healing their family. The pastor's radical advice? He told them to practice unconditional love. Part of this was the suggestion that they work to accept their daughter's transition, including using the proper pronouns when speaking about her, and using her new female name. This was apparently too much for the father, who took it to the district superintendent (kind of like a bishop), who started disciplinary proceedings against the pastor.

I think the official charge is that he's leading his congregants astray and violating the Word of God. Right. Because there's so much in the bible about disowning your transgendered daughter and refusing to acknowledge her gender or name. The whole thing would be almost funny if it wasn't so tragic. (And, of course, there's the girl, who is--one assumes--still cut off from her good, loving, Christian parents.)

For my mom, it just reinforces her fear that she's not going to be part of the Nazarene denomination for much longer. She loves our congregation. She loves the church. She agrees with almost all of the church doctrine. But it's the politics, the oppressive, ultra-conservative bent of the church leaders that is so out of touch with most of the pastoral leadership, the church members, and certainly the rest of the world, that causes her to doubt her place. And that's sad, because my mother is one of the best pastors I know.

So for those of you who pray, please keep this young lady, her family, and the pastor (I don't know his name) in your prayers. And my mother as well, if you think of her. Thanks.

Look, Good Omens is a great book. I love it, too.

But it's fiction.

(So is This Present Darkness, btw.)

Yeah, this is me still being irritated about christianity.

(Demon quotas, what the fuck.)

I do not blame African Americans for Prop 8.

I do not blame Latino Americans for Prop 8.

I will not stop fighting for the rights of immigrants or for civil rights because SOME brown folks voted for Prop 8. A) Because supporting their rights is simply THE RIGHT THING TO DO, DUH and B) because not every black dude voted for Prop 8. Not every Mexican mama voted for Prop 8. Now, I'm cribbing from Alex Blaze (who has a great article, you should read the whole thing)...

...But here are some people who I blame:

The elderly (65+)
Republicans
Conservatives
People who decided for whom to vote in October (but not within the week before the election)
People who were contacted by the McCain campaign
Protestants
Catholics
White Protestants
Those who attend church weekly
Married people
People with children under 18
Gun owners
Bush voters
Offshore drilling supporters
People who are afraid of a terrorist attack
People who thought their family finances were better now than 4 years ago
Supporters of the war against Iraq
People who didn't care about the age of the candidates
Anti-choicers
People who are from the "Inland/Valley" region of California
McCain voters

Many of them voted for Prop 8, and in some cases, higher than the blacks and latinos we've been hearing about. (And for those on the list who didn't...well, ok. I'm not talking to you, here.)

Which is to say, I blame everyone who voted for Prop 8. If I have to explain to you why it's racist to blame an ENTIRE group of people for the actions of some folks who happen to share their skin color...well, you're probably reading the wrong blog.

To be completely frank, there are those who I blame, and because of whom I blame, I carry a deep hatred and resentment that goes far beyond the ammendment itself. I blame the leaders. The James Dobsons. Because they knew they were lying, these great "moral" leaders, they knew they lied but they sent out ad after ad and bitched on radio day after day, and it won them their vote.

(I really don't blame the average people, not nearly to the extent that I do the leaders. Because the lady with three kids and a dad overseas, working two jobs to try to keep them all together, doesn't have time to vet everything she's told. Dobson is a moral authority who cares about her and her children. He has her best intrests at heart! So she listens to his program on the way to her second job, gets his newsletter in the bulltion at church, and knows that unless she votes on Prop 8, the schools are gonna turn her kids gay and society itself will crumble.)

But I hope these "moral" leaders are just moral enough to lay awake all night shaking in guilt over what they did to California. I hope they remember that their angry God explicitly hates liars, and I hope their souls collectively tremble.

::snort::

It's not going to happen, but a girl can dream.

I don't believe in hell, at least not in the traditional sense, and I don't believe a loving God would send his children to be tortured for eternity...but damn, when I see these religious leaders preaching "morality" while simultaneously engaging in behavior Jesus preached so strongly against...sometimes I kinda wish there was a hell, just for those bastards, just for a day or two.

There's another evolution discussion on christianity, which I'm so not going to get involved in. I said a couple things, but I'm walking away before I get invested, because I DO NOT HAVE TIME for another stupid LJ debate. Maybe if I thought the people there were genuinely interested in conversation, it would be different. But when people make sweeping statements ("Evolution is a mythology" "evolution contradicts the Gospel") that are so far off base, it doesn't leave a whole lot of room for disagreement.

But I do need to get one thing off my chest:

Yes. It is possible that God created the entire universe in a literal, six day creation 5,000 years ago, and just made it look like evolution and other natural events were the cause of human life, mountains, fossils, etc. etc. etc..* Sure. Okay.

It's also possible that while we were sleeping last night, aliens came and killed us all, but not before replacing us with exact clones who had all of our memories. Hey, it may not be likely, but it's possible.

Why in the world would God crate such a massive, intricate fabrication? As a joke? As a way to find out who are the true believers? (Actually, I've heard this view posited many times before.) It just seems really, really, really unlikely to me. The far simpler explanation for the mass of evidence for evolution is that, hello, evolution happened and is happening, and maybe perhaps the account in Genesis is metaphorical. It seems far more anti-Christian (or at least anti-God) to paint God as some sort of cruel, immortal trickster, who requires us to ignore the world around us and the intelligence He gave us in order to be a true follower.

GRRR.

*And that explanation doesn't account for the evolution we see happening right now, all around us, but even the YEC (young earth creationists) are forced to accept microevolution as a fact. But I'm being grand and sweeping (and rude) here, so lets pretend that my argument holds, even though anyone with a little bit of science education is going, "Um, no."

Dear Church Board,

No, I will not wear nylons while leading music, and neither will my Mom. Wearing nylons in full summer (in a building without A/C) wouldn't make us look modest or professional, it would make us look insane.

No, my brother will not cut his hair. He keeps it pulled back very neatly, and, hello, he's not on staff, he's just a member of the pastor's family. He's seventeen years old, he can decide if he wants a ponytail or not.

Yes, it's fine if my mother gets her toenails painted red. It doesn't make her look trashy. They're pretty. Why are you looking at her feet anyway?

Thanks for making my (admittedly insecure) mother come home and cry. Assholes.

No love,

Erin

Y'know, as much as I like to pretend that I've overcome my very conservative upbringing, occasionally I get hit with how that just isn't so.

Example: I came home today. All of the cars were in the driveway, but the house was completely empty. Did I think: a) "huh, that's weird," b) "oh, mom must have borrowed Aunt Dot's car," or even c) "I should call Mom and see what's going on"? No, of course not. My first thought was:

OMG! THE RAPTURE HAPPENED AND I'VE BEEN LEFT BEHIND. OMG!!!

Then I took a couple deep breaths and realized I was being silly. But still. When that's the first thing that comes to mind...

::eyeroll::

So I love my mom, but her friends drive me nuts.

Some of the churches in the area had a get-together for pastors and their families. I hate those types of things, but I went because my mom asked me to. Eck.

I ended up sitting next to a total asshat, the pastor of a non-denominational pentecostal church. I'm not exactly sure how we got on the topic, but we started talking about the trinity and the gender of God. He was pontificating about how God has to be male "because He said that He is," and Jesus was male (which, hey, I wasn't arguing that Jesus wasn't). I told him that I didn't believe the trinity was literal, that I felt it was more of a metaphor God gave us in order to understand him better, because there isn't a human equivelent or even human words to fully explain or grasp who God is. He got a weird look and said, "Young lady, that's a heresy," and waited expectantly, like I should immediately have gone, "Oh my gosh! Not a heretic! Thanks for showing me the light!" He turned to my mom and said, in the most condescending tone imaginable, "Your daughter has some interesting ideas." I kind of wanted to hit him, but my mom was sending me major "let it go" vibes. BLEAH.

And, shock of shocks, no one mentioned abortion, evolution or gay marriage the entire time, so I didn't get in any fights or embarrass my mom! (Well, other than the douche above, but he started it, and it was a little thing.)

PS: My brother brought head lice home from school and shared with the entire family (except for Dad, lucky bastard). *insert wailing and gnashing of teeth* Guess it's time for the annual lice infestation...it seems that no matter how careful we are, SOMEONE brings home lice at least once a year.

I'm now trying to decide whether to cut my hair (which I've been growing out for the past year) to make it easier to get rid of the lice, or just tough it out. Leaning towards toughing it out, but we'll see how long it takes for me to get frustrated and just chop it all off. I'm pretty allergic to the lice shampoos (not that they work, most strains of lice are resistant), so the only way to really get rid of them is to douse my head in vinegar (loosens up the eggs) and pull everything out individually with a comb. I have very thick, curly hair, and this takes HOURS. SIGH.

Dad bought Ben & Jerry's to make us feel better, so hey, silver lining.

I feel bad, but when I hear someone say that the Bible is without error, I have a hard time respecting their theological opinions. It's an automatic turn-off for me, something that makes me inclined to disregard anything they say. After all, if you don't care enough about the bible to honesty study it--which would reveal the many contradictions and scientific errors throughout--than why should I listen to what you have to say about it? And if you want to create massively illogical theories on why there really aren't any errors in the bible (for example: "in Jesus's day, the mustard seed was the smallest seed, and God created the other smaller seeds later"), why would I pay attention to your theology, which is probably just as convoluted and baseless?

But then, there are people who automatically disregard anything I have to say because I don't believe the bible is without error, so whatever. I guess the split between liberal and conservative Christians won't be healed anytime soon.

And now for a drastic change in topic...

I've been away for the last few days because Grandma has been in the hospital with Congestive Heart Failure. Her dementia has increased incredibly since the stay in the hospital and she's very frail. On the plus side, she's forgotten that she smokes, and the nicotine patches are working great! I haven't had any attitude from her, and she used to go crazy if she went more than 4 hours without a cigarette. She's been smoking for 71 years, so I know it won't do much, but it will probably make her more comfortable.

We had to change the house completely around since her hospital stay. Hospice came out and provided a hospital bed, wheelchair, and other medical accessories. They're also sending out a visiting nurse and giving Grandma the good drugs. I feel like I've been doing my job blindfolded and handcuffed up until now. Mom is worried that I have too much work to do, but I'm trying to convince her that even though Grandma needs more care, having the right equipment and medicine makes me job sooo much easier. :)

christian_sex, christianitysex, WHY MUST YOU CONTINUE TO DEBATE GAY MARRIAGE???

Every single time, it's the same damn arguments from both sides. "The bible doesn't say anything about gay marriage/this isn't a theocracy" VS. "If gay people get married, next daddies will marry their little girls and men will want to marry dogs."

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I just don't have the strength to keep up with it. Maybe I shouldn't take it personally, but I do. There's only so much I can take of being blamed for EVERY FUCKING PROBLEM THE WORLD HAS OMG. Yes, I get that 50% of the country hates me and thinks I should be denied equal rights. There are times I wake up, start getting ready, and realize, "People really, really hate me. What's the point?"

I try to listen in love, I try to respect the other folk's point of view, but I'm talking to people who don't think I deserve the same rights they have. I'm talking to people who consider me some sort of evil sub-human. And, again, I start to think: what's the point?

What is the point? I stay on these lists because I have great conversation. I stay because I want to provide an alternate perspective, show anti-gay folks that I am someone who loves God with my whole being, and is also a lesbian.

Whatever. I think I'm going to take a break. It takes an emotional toll, you know? Grr. And I can't show Christ's love when I want to wring the necks of Every. Single. Person. who can't tell the difference between me and a doggie.

Sorry for ranting.

**headdesk** I'm such a bad Christian.

My younger brother bought a Play Station 2. Unfortunately, my parents have a very strict No Vidio Games In the House rule. Fortunately, I don't live at home, so I GOT THE PS2. HA! Final Fantasy X bores the hell out of me, but I'm really getting into Soul Calibur II. Somehow, it's very soothing to pick up the controller and kick things. (Um. In a loving, Christian way, of course.) The best perk is that it plays DVDs, so I now have a DVD player, and am currently in the middle of an X-files marathon.

Grandma continues to deteriorate. We had planned a trip to southern California (kind of a last visit, a way for her to see some of her children, grandchildren, siblings, etc. as many of them live in the L.A. area) but she's now too sick to travel, and her doctor doesn't anticipate her getting any better. We're trying to encourage people to come visit, but I don't think the rest of the family understands how dire this is. It seems crass to send out, I don't know, a video or something so they can see how sick she is, but I'm running out of ideas.

Thank you all for the reading suggestions. I'll make another post later regarding some books I've discovered (or rediscovered). I'm thinking of making a standing book recs list.

PS: guided_by_grace makes me want to convert. My mother is deeply grateful to lasa, as her logic kept me from making any rash decisions. I had to promise to stay away from discussions of Christian feminism for a while. :)