death in the family
Mar. 25th, 2009 02:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lizzypaulI don't know how many of you have heard the news about five Oakland police officers who were shot on Saturday, four of whom are now dead (the other is expected to recover). It weirds me out when I've mentioned it to friends, even local friends, figuring they would know about it and they just...don't. I know that not everyone follows the news and I know this isn't talked about everywhere, but for the last couple days, it's all anyone in my family has talked about. We are not a very newsy family--my mom and I watch Rachel Maddow pretty regularly, and occasionally Keith Olbermann if we've got the time, but you really can't call that "news"--but since Saturday, we've watched more local news than I can ever remember. It's not like they ever say anything new, and certainly nothing my dad hasn't already heard, but still. We watch it. Hoping for answers, maybe?
Cop deaths hit my family hard. We're all wrapped up in law enforcement...my dad's been a cop now for thirty-eight years, my mom is a police chaplain. I want to be careful not to co-opt grief here...nothing I feel, nothing that even my dad feels, is anywhere close to what the families of the fallen officers must be going through, or the men and women at the police department who worked with them. But there is grief, even more so when there's a connection to the dead (my father's partner came up through the ranks with one of the motorcycle cops who was shot...they weren't BFF or anything, but they were friends, and my father had met him, once).
And that's all compounded because my dad (and everyone on that police channel, I guess) heard one of the officers die. They knew they couldn't wait for the ambulance, and so a sergeant transferred on of the shot officers in his car...and they heard the sergeant's frantic attempt to get the officer to the hospital in time, heard them try to keep him alive. Heard him fail. My dad doesn't want to talk about it, at least to us, but my mom says it was pretty awful. When he came home late on Saturday, he had the most haunted look in his eyes. I can't imagine what that would feel like.
And, of course, grief is mingled with relief mingled with guilt. My family has gotten the call, we've waited in the hospital, we know how terrifying the sight of a stone-faced uniformed officer at the door is. But we were lucky, and it all turned out okay for us. In the middle of all the sadness and sympathy we feel for the Oakland cops, there's still that terrible little part inside that goes, "Thank God it wasn't my dad. Thank God it wasn't my husband."
(Aside: my parents have always been very close, but not so big on the PDA. Since Saturday, they've been so wrapped up in each other, holding hands, hugging, whatever. I even walked in on my mom sitting on my dad's lap, something I've never seen before. It was cute, but they were totally embarassed.)
My mom has been working herself nearly to death the last few days, dividing her time between her congregation and the police department (not the Oakland PD, btw), offering whatever counseling she can to the officers and family members. She's chaplain for two different departments, both several miles away from Oakland, but it's still hit everyone pretty hard. There hasn't been a day this bloody in a very long time...not since the 70s, I think. I can't really explain why...it doesn't make too much sense, looking at it. Sure, people should be sad, four good men lost their lives. But why is there such an intensity of feeling, for people we haven't even met? I don't know. Maybe because, for a lot of cops, you really do become family with your fellow officers, even ones you've never met. And that spills over to your "real" family.
I'm so angry at all the people who are using this as a jumping point for their own particular political views, whatever they are, on both the right and the left. The bodies aren't even in the ground and they are trying to score points off them. I don't blame the shooter's family so much...they just lost a brother/son/cousin/uncle, too, in an absolutely horrific way, and they are trying to make sense of what happened, too. But if I hear ONE MORE PERSON try to excuse this because of the Oscar Grant shooting, I think I might do violence. And Glen Beck needs to shut his damn mouth, too.
Anyway, that's a lot to say nothing, really. This whole thing just sucks.
Cop deaths hit my family hard. We're all wrapped up in law enforcement...my dad's been a cop now for thirty-eight years, my mom is a police chaplain. I want to be careful not to co-opt grief here...nothing I feel, nothing that even my dad feels, is anywhere close to what the families of the fallen officers must be going through, or the men and women at the police department who worked with them. But there is grief, even more so when there's a connection to the dead (my father's partner came up through the ranks with one of the motorcycle cops who was shot...they weren't BFF or anything, but they were friends, and my father had met him, once).
And that's all compounded because my dad (and everyone on that police channel, I guess) heard one of the officers die. They knew they couldn't wait for the ambulance, and so a sergeant transferred on of the shot officers in his car...and they heard the sergeant's frantic attempt to get the officer to the hospital in time, heard them try to keep him alive. Heard him fail. My dad doesn't want to talk about it, at least to us, but my mom says it was pretty awful. When he came home late on Saturday, he had the most haunted look in his eyes. I can't imagine what that would feel like.
And, of course, grief is mingled with relief mingled with guilt. My family has gotten the call, we've waited in the hospital, we know how terrifying the sight of a stone-faced uniformed officer at the door is. But we were lucky, and it all turned out okay for us. In the middle of all the sadness and sympathy we feel for the Oakland cops, there's still that terrible little part inside that goes, "Thank God it wasn't my dad. Thank God it wasn't my husband."
(Aside: my parents have always been very close, but not so big on the PDA. Since Saturday, they've been so wrapped up in each other, holding hands, hugging, whatever. I even walked in on my mom sitting on my dad's lap, something I've never seen before. It was cute, but they were totally embarassed.)
My mom has been working herself nearly to death the last few days, dividing her time between her congregation and the police department (not the Oakland PD, btw), offering whatever counseling she can to the officers and family members. She's chaplain for two different departments, both several miles away from Oakland, but it's still hit everyone pretty hard. There hasn't been a day this bloody in a very long time...not since the 70s, I think. I can't really explain why...it doesn't make too much sense, looking at it. Sure, people should be sad, four good men lost their lives. But why is there such an intensity of feeling, for people we haven't even met? I don't know. Maybe because, for a lot of cops, you really do become family with your fellow officers, even ones you've never met. And that spills over to your "real" family.
I'm so angry at all the people who are using this as a jumping point for their own particular political views, whatever they are, on both the right and the left. The bodies aren't even in the ground and they are trying to score points off them. I don't blame the shooter's family so much...they just lost a brother/son/cousin/uncle, too, in an absolutely horrific way, and they are trying to make sense of what happened, too. But if I hear ONE MORE PERSON try to excuse this because of the Oscar Grant shooting, I think I might do violence. And Glen Beck needs to shut his damn mouth, too.
Anyway, that's a lot to say nothing, really. This whole thing just sucks.
