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Advice needed, please!
Jan. 3rd, 2009 10:39 amJust got finished talking to my little brother.
Background: he's thirteen, almost fourteen, an eighth grader. He's got a host of learning disabilities and is in special ed, though he's being mainstreamed for several of his classes this year. He's just about the nicest kid in the whole world.
I've noticed throughout Christmas break that he has been very upset about going back to school, more than just normal kid stuff. I knew he was getting picked on before, so I cornered him and asked him if it was still going on. Honestly, I expected it to be about the whole special ed thing...I know that at my Jr. High and high school, those kids got a lot of taunting.
No, he's getting bullied mercilessly, but it's because some of the boys have decided he's gay. So they are making fun of him, beating him up in the locker room, (which explains why he's failing gym this year, what used to be his favorite class, because he keeps "forgetting" his gym clothes and has to spend the hour in detention), and some of his friends have stopped talking to him.
And my baby is so tender-hearted, that he looks up at me, face all tear-stained and wails, "There's nothing wrong with being gay! Why do they care? What does it matter if I'm gay? I'm not gay. I don't think it's bad to be gay, but I'm not gay, and I don't want them to call me a fag anymore."
He completely refused to talk to my parents, even though I begged. He thinks that if they get involved, it'll just make things worse (and I remember being 13, and being bullied, and thinking the same thing). I don't know what I should do. Do I break confidence and tell my folks? I can't follow him around at school and keep him safe, but I don't even know how to help equip him to handle this! I know from experience that 99% of the advice people give on how to deal with bullies is utter shit, but the one thing that works is "stay with a teacher whenever possible," and I told him to try to do that. But I was a kid who loved to be quiet and read, so spending my recess and lunches inside the library was no hardship...my little bro isn't like that. He's very social and very active, and telling him to try to stay with an adult is like telling him to avoid bullying by checking himself into prison.
Any advice? Truthfully, when the bullying got too intense, I left school, just convinced my parents to homeschool me. I'm more of a runner than a fighter. Did any of you go through bullying at school and find something that works to stop it? I want to help my brother, but I don't know how. Do you think I should talk to my parents even though he begged me not to?
Thanks, you guys. Appreciate any thoughts you might have.
(What really gets me is that we live in fucking Marin County, probably the most liberal area in the United States, and my baby brother is getting bullied over being gay. If this is what it's like in a super blue area, what the hell must the poor red state kids be going through? Scares the shit out of me.)
Background: he's thirteen, almost fourteen, an eighth grader. He's got a host of learning disabilities and is in special ed, though he's being mainstreamed for several of his classes this year. He's just about the nicest kid in the whole world.
I've noticed throughout Christmas break that he has been very upset about going back to school, more than just normal kid stuff. I knew he was getting picked on before, so I cornered him and asked him if it was still going on. Honestly, I expected it to be about the whole special ed thing...I know that at my Jr. High and high school, those kids got a lot of taunting.
No, he's getting bullied mercilessly, but it's because some of the boys have decided he's gay. So they are making fun of him, beating him up in the locker room, (which explains why he's failing gym this year, what used to be his favorite class, because he keeps "forgetting" his gym clothes and has to spend the hour in detention), and some of his friends have stopped talking to him.
And my baby is so tender-hearted, that he looks up at me, face all tear-stained and wails, "There's nothing wrong with being gay! Why do they care? What does it matter if I'm gay? I'm not gay. I don't think it's bad to be gay, but I'm not gay, and I don't want them to call me a fag anymore."
He completely refused to talk to my parents, even though I begged. He thinks that if they get involved, it'll just make things worse (and I remember being 13, and being bullied, and thinking the same thing). I don't know what I should do. Do I break confidence and tell my folks? I can't follow him around at school and keep him safe, but I don't even know how to help equip him to handle this! I know from experience that 99% of the advice people give on how to deal with bullies is utter shit, but the one thing that works is "stay with a teacher whenever possible," and I told him to try to do that. But I was a kid who loved to be quiet and read, so spending my recess and lunches inside the library was no hardship...my little bro isn't like that. He's very social and very active, and telling him to try to stay with an adult is like telling him to avoid bullying by checking himself into prison.
Any advice? Truthfully, when the bullying got too intense, I left school, just convinced my parents to homeschool me. I'm more of a runner than a fighter. Did any of you go through bullying at school and find something that works to stop it? I want to help my brother, but I don't know how. Do you think I should talk to my parents even though he begged me not to?
Thanks, you guys. Appreciate any thoughts you might have.
(What really gets me is that we live in fucking Marin County, probably the most liberal area in the United States, and my baby brother is getting bullied over being gay. If this is what it's like in a super blue area, what the hell must the poor red state kids be going through? Scares the shit out of me.)
